I am so fed up with myself. I mean, seriously. I'm fucking 22 and now I get the kind of crush that has me dreaming about the person and stalking them on the internet?! And I'm not talking random tidbits of dreams that might possibly have included said crush, but real, actual, vivid dreams featuring said crush as the central player. And two of them were bad dreams, too. >_<

Really. It's pathetic. Not to mention that this person lives six hours away and I barely know them. Like... what the hell, right? I mean, this thing is bad enough that my stupid stomach flips over when they sign onto MSN. And I once squeed. Yes. Squeed. And it doesn't seem to matter how much I rationalise and go over all the reasons it's stupid and pathetic, I can't get rid of it. And I'm falling asleep at night thinking of them, and waking up the next day still thinking about them, or crying because of bad dreams to do with them. That was a fun morning. I was shitty with everything until lunchtime, I reckon.

Man, I hate myself sometimes. Why can't I just have a normal boyfriend? Who actually lives in Mildura and is nice? Why do I crush on people who live miles away, or don't even know me, thereby making things complicated? Why am I a complete and utter idiot?

Like I said to Tess, I feel like bashing my head into something until it goes away, but a) I know that wouldn't actually help and b) I have a very low tolerance for pain, and could never inflict it upon myself. *dies* I'm too much of a wuss!

At least I only made a dick of myself the very first time we spoke, and the other times, it was better. Said crush even commented on liking the way I think... Of course, that was because I was stealing presents from children and handing them over... *giggles* Anyway! I can remain secure in the knowledge that anyone who reads this already knows all about this idiocy and, therefore, I'm not telling anyone anything new and nothing will get back to the person in question.

In other news, Val is really, really sick... Like... bad... Pray for Vally.

~KittyMewMewPants.